You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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