The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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