I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
