Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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