Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
