I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
