You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
