Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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