he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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