I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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