btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
