I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
