just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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