is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
