I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
