you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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