we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
