Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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