but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
