it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
These tits shall not be calmed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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