We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
