Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
