No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
