In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
