Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
