her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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