hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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