I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
