If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize