I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.