that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.