You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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