An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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