Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.