if you like me you must not know who I am
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
