I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
