just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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