Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
