the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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