last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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