I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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