she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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