this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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