I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize