my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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