Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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