Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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