I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
