if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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