he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will be naked everywhere
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
