Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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