I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
