I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
