Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
