This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
