I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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