who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
