The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
