end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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