i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
