it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
