I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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