Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
