First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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