Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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