Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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