if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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