Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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