The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
