he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
