We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
