1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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