How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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