I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea