Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

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(314): My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF? http://tfl.nu/cban

Replies (21) Good night (1907) Bad night (5910)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

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(267): i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal http://tfl.nu/wd7r

Replies (18) Good night (1488) Bad night (4125)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.

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(413): Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/3v3s

Replies (54) Good night (8976) Bad night (1615)
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(407): View more from Florida

mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.

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(407): mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad. http://tfl.nu/ifx0

Replies (18) Good night (4222) Bad night (657)
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(720): View more from Colorado

You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

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(720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv

Replies (90) Good night (1920) Bad night (13053)
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(314): View more from Missouri

We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.

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(314): We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them. http://tfl.nu/7w09

Replies (9) Good night (5337) Bad night (990)
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(817): View more from Texas

Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.

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(817): Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned. http://tfl.nu/x9uh

Replies (7) Good night (2617) Bad night (1629)
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(503): View more from Oregon

you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.

(1-503): View more from Oregon

What kind of balloon animal was it?

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(503): you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor. (1-503): What kind of balloon animal was it? http://tfl.nu/lyo1

Replies (12) Good night (2106) Bad night (654)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.

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(308): I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll. http://tfl.nu/yzo7

Replies (0) Good night (973) Bad night (597)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.

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(617): Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee. http://tfl.nu/9xkv

Replies (2) Good night (2227) Bad night (608)
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(925): View more from California

Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?

(1-925): View more from California

Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.

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(925): Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer? (1-925): Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty. http://tfl.nu/4pgh

Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (448)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...

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(603): I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked... http://tfl.nu/22n2

Replies (4) Good night (443) Bad night (822)
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(571): View more from Virginia

I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it

(812): View more from Indiana

You had 10 drinks. On a first date.

(571): View more from Virginia

I just masterbated then started bawling.

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(571): I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it (812): You had 10 drinks. On a first date. (571): I just masterbated then started bawling. http://tfl.nu/gbak

Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (934)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face

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(605): She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face http://tfl.nu/wqsk

Replies (2) Good night (277) Bad night (438)
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(631): View more from New York

I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement

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(631): I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement http://tfl.nu/k8oi

Replies (1) Good night (330) Bad night (412)

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