so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
