i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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