Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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(202): I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared http://tfl.nu/a5x9

Replies (29) Good night (1043) Bad night (1449)
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(846): View more from

He asked to "fluff my boner.."

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(846): He asked to "fluff my boner.." http://tfl.nu/m6cj

Replies (3) Good night (632) Bad night (1685)
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(951): View more from California

There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.

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(951): There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS. http://tfl.nu/ppbc

Replies (63) Good night (6747) Bad night (704)
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(562): View more from California

How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?

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(562): How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std? http://tfl.nu/ee21

Replies (26) Good night (631) Bad night (5192)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.

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(612): i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited. http://tfl.nu/7k6j

Replies (22) Good night (933) Bad night (8145)
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(818): View more from California

The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.

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(818): The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs. http://tfl.nu/zk5x

Replies (9) Good night (1971) Bad night (3566)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.

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(610): There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library. http://tfl.nu/m2ex

Replies (11) Good night (4004) Bad night (937)
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(906): View more from Michigan

it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.

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(906): it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something. http://tfl.nu/su0x

Replies (3) Good night (1126) Bad night (950)
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(586): View more from Michigan

We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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(586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2

Replies (2) Good night (1785) Bad night (662)
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(251): View more from Alabama

Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.

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(251): Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now. http://tfl.nu/uhhh

Replies (7) Good night (938) Bad night (2920)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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(501): Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us. http://tfl.nu/mzbi

Replies (3) Good night (847) Bad night (969)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship

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(717): Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship http://tfl.nu/uea0

Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (1046)
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(319): View more from Iowa

4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW

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(319): 4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW http://tfl.nu/z9cc

Replies (9) Good night (1776) Bad night (465)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.

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(608): He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples. http://tfl.nu/0xb3

Replies (2) Good night (1447) Bad night (346)
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(407): View more from Florida

After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!

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(407): After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday! http://tfl.nu/hf0z

Replies (3) Good night (425) Bad night (157)

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