i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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