He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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