Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
