the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
