The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
