Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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