I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
