Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
