Your face is a jimmy john
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
