dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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