all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You ruined the universe
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
