What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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