True but thats because hes a fetus.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
