hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
